I firmly believe that Donald Trump is a narcissistic blowhard, entirely unqualified to be president of the United States. This is settled law, not open for debate. And I’m voting for him.

I am, I think for the first time, voting for a huge asshole that I do not want to win (as compared to past assholes that I’ve wanted to win).

How did I get here?

I am a registered Republican in Maryland. Until recently I had planned on voting for Governor Kasich, but recent events have made me dump this plan. I have an Ohio friend who has been telling me for months that Kasich is a buffoon, but I had been ignoring his warnings because, well, the other candidates are not the sort of Republicans that I would want to be president. In fact, for me, Kasich has the right temperament, a work history of getting stuff done outside of partisan restraints, and isn’t out in public talking about dicks and dildos. He should be my guy.

Unfortunately, his campaign is a bungled mess here in Maryland. He should be surging, but instead he has proven that when given a fantastic opportunity to assemble a crack team of professionals to work on some serious shit, he fucks it up.

Two examples. First, his campaign screwed up the delegate dance. Even if Kasich wins my state, he won’t get the delegates. Read about that here if you’re low on your daily headslap quota.

Second, and this is anecdotal, nobody on the Maryland Kasich team knew how I could get a yard sign. My county and state reps shrugged and glossed over my requests. I even had an active Kasich volunteer friend in Virginia try to get me one. Nothing. I’ve have yard signs for board of ed candidates, but this request was too much for the Kasich team.

Anyway, back to Trump. I see zero chance that this guy could win the presidency.

Around 79% of women think that he is a piece of shit.

Around 8 in 10 Hispanics think that he is a piece of shit.

Around 2 out of 3 Republicans think that he is, well, not entirely human (my interpretation).

So, why don’t I rally around Ted Cruz and join the Never Trump movement? I do love me a good movement.

Whereas Trump is an unqualified narcissistic blowhard, Ted Cruz is an evil fuck. President Trump would damage our nation due to ignorant ineptitude, but Cruz would burn us to the ground with anti-American hate.  Cruz has a record in the Senate of attempting to permanently damage our way of life, much like the 9/11 terrorists, and his rhetoric shows in him a desire to divide Americans into Us and Them.

By voting for Trump I hope to provide some small anti-Cruz ammunition at the Republican convention. I will add modestly to Trump’s plurality of the popular vote and, modestly, contribute to the sense that taking away the nomination from the candidate with the most votes is unfair. I am voting for a contested convention. I am voting to make the Republican Party stand face-to-face against the Tea Party and deal with the shit they left on the table. This may be the most strategic vote I have ever cast.

Jonah Knight is a swing voter who really hopes that the world won’t end before his son becomes supreme leader.