#feelthebern

A Grand Bargain for the Bern-man

Okay, BernieBros and SanderSistas, have I got an offer for you! For weeks now you’ve been telling me that delegate math is less important than momentum and youth turnout. And you’ve been howling that since Bernie does better in head-to-head match-ups against Donald Trump and the rest of the GOP ne’er-do-wells than my gal Hill does, he will make the stronger fall candidate. You don’t think it’s fair to have to play delegate catch-up to her Super Tuesday southern primary blowouts or to have to win the hearts and minds of the mean, establishment super-duper delegates that Debbie Wasserman “Shifty” Schultz handpicked to cheat Bernie out of his rightful nomination.

You just want the nomination bestowed on the Bern-man based on effort, energy, and overcoming a 60-point deficit in a mere 9 months. Do I have that right?

Well, okay, then – here’s my offer: I’m agreeing with you!

That’s right. Stop the presses! Hold your Make-America-Great-Again hats! Kevin Kelton is about to change the rules for getting the Democratic nomination. Or at least, change the rules for earning my endorsement.

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Americathon

by Kevin Kelton

In the 1979 movie Americathon, a fictional U.S. president decides to hold a telethon to pay down the national debt. That was a satiric look into the “future” of 1998. But just decades later, what seemed like satire then now seems all-too-real. America has become a telethon.

It’s everywhere. On my newsfeed. In late-night comedy shows. At the dinner table and dentist office. Even coming from my kids. The world is now a 24/7 presidential election. They might as well call it an Elect-A-Thon.

Ever since the Muscular Dystrophy Foundation decided to end it’s annual 21-hour charity telethon, America has been in search of it’s next “thon” fix. Sure, there’s still the Boston Marathon, the Penn State “THON” charity dance-a-thon, the St. Jude Trike-A-thon (a real thing), and the “Surf Dog” Dog Surf-A-Thon (I kid you not!).

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